Saying “I love you” to a friend can be a huge step in a relationship, especially depending on how you were raised on the phrase.
Far too often we use the word “love” to signify our enjoyment of things - objects, activities, foods - that don’t actually merit any real love. This, of course, muddies up the meaning of the word. If we use the word “love” too often, such as in this manner, how much does it mean when we say it to other people? Does it really convey the depth of our emotions for them? Or does it merely mean that we enjoy them? And if it is the latter, I think love should transcend enjoyment and go much deeper; so in that case, you shouldn’t even be using the word “love” at all.
But there is another way in which “I love you” can be misconstrued, and that is by making it into a throwaway phrase. I think that perhaps this is the larger and more prevalent issue plaguing society. Far too often, “I love you” just becomes what we tack onto the end of a sentence when we say goodbye or goodnight to somebody; it loses any of its significance and meaning as it dives deeper and deeper into a dark pit of nothingness. And when this has been our experience with “I love you,” the first time someone uses the phrase in a meaningful, non-throwaway way we aren’t quite sure what to do or make of it. Because when “love” has been merely a word, the true reality being conveyed through that word is striking and life-changing. This isn’t to say that telling someone “I love you” when saying goodbye or goodnight is wrong, merely that we must take caution in not allowing it to become a phrase that merely means “goodbye” or “goodnight.” And knowing that the “I love you” coming from a close friend is meaningful helps to restore the meaning of “I love you” in your own heart and mind.
However, as we contemplate the use of “I love you” in the everyday, it is only natural to worry about the frequency with which we use it. After all, we don’t want “I love you” to once again become a throwaway phrase piggybacking off of a salutation; but we may also rightly fear not using the phrase enough with those for whom we truly feel that deep bond and affection that is ultimately inexpressible but to which the word “love” alludes.
And so we find ourselves at a crossroads marked by the scale of the balance of life that we are forever trying to achieve.
“I love you” should convey that sense of peace and security that only comes with closeness, an expression of irreplaceability for which mere words can never suffice so “I love you” will have to do; it should be deeper and more beautiful than all other words. And it should be meaningful.
And if that is what we mean whenever we use that phrase, “I love you,” and we are okay with the person we love not saying it back, then we are using “I love you” correctly. Because “I love you” should not be conditional nor a test nor a call-and-response; it should be the expression of everything we can never express but is unconditionally there. And when the person for whom we feel these things feels that same peace and security and beautifully deep, unexplainable bond that we do, when the meaning of “I love you” is shared and restored, they will say it back. And it will be meaningful.
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